The Story of My Life

"That's the story of my life" is often a phrase my husband gets to hear. A phrase that makes him roll his eyes and walk away. When things don't go the way I planned (and most often they don't), I huff, "That's the story of my life!" or "I should've expected that; that's how things seem to go for me!" I know, super pessimistic right? But that is often how I feel. Do you ever look around and think, "Man they really have it together" or "Everything seems to work out perfectly for them". Okay, maybe you don't, but I do. And it often leaves me frustrated. But not anymore! I had an epiphany of which I am documenting so that I remember it. Here it is: When things don't work out the way you planned, it's because something better is going to work out.

Let me explain.

First I will back up. Years back when I was a teenager, I protested being a sister missionary. I never wanted to serve a mission, I felt sisters could do NO good without the Priesthood. I mean, who could I baptize if I didn't have the Priesthood? So I told myself I would NEVER go on a mission. Well, clearly my plan did not work. In 2004, I left on my mission before my 21st birthday. But when I turned in my mission papers, I told myself I was going stateside and that if I did go foreign, I would go anywhere except I didn't want to learn German, Russian, or any of the Asian languages (Asian languages seemed way too hard with all those character looking picture things and German and Russian just sounded butch and mean). Well, where did I go? Moscow, Russia. Okay, so then when I was on my mission, my companion and I knew transfers were coming and where we wanted to be transferred to. I wanted to go to Nizhni (nicknamed Paradise) and she wanted to go to Yaroslavl (nicknamed Prison because it was such a HARD area). Many times while I was serving with this sister, I would tell her how nothing EVER went how I wanted it to. I explained various different life experiences that proved this true. She would laugh, and when things went awry we'd look at each other like, "See, I told you!" Well, as you can probably predict, when transfer calls came, I was called to Yaro (Prison) and she was called to Nizhni (Paradise). I can't tell you how devastated I was. But yet again we laughed and she said, "You are right. Things really do never go your way." I felt like saying, "Hello, I know!!! I have been telling you this!"

And this seemed to deem itself true over and over throughout my life. Nothing ever seemed to turn out like I planned. 

So,  recently I had another encounter with MY plans falling through. I had planned two very fun surprises for my family. Both of which had to be canceled or postponed. I was so sad and honestly felt like, "Fine, I'm never planning anything fun again. If no one cares then why should I care?" I know that sounds so immature, but that's really how I felt. I was the victim of everyone else's carelessness. Nothing was going my way!

As time went on, eventually both events played out perfectly and went better than I had ever planned. I was thrilled and my negative thoughts disappeared. And that leads me to my point.

This year, instead of writing my own new year's resolutions, I had my husband write them for me. He gave me 5 things to work on or accomplish this year. One of the resolutions he listed was, "Don't Be a Victim". I thought that was so fitting for me. And I know it is because he is tired of hearing me negatively say, "That's the story of my life." Now you have to understand that my husband rarely acts like the victim of any situation. He is amazingly optimistic and offers me a remarkable, undeniable balance. I have thought a lot about this resolution and how to make it come to pass. Am I a victim when my plan doesn't work out or am I just being introduced to a better plan? Do I have to be negative or can I sit back and patiently wait for what is to come?

As I have analyzed this, given the situations that I have shared with you, I can happily say that although my life (thusfar) hasn't gone the way I planned, and probably will continue to go differently than I have in mind, I rarely look back thinking that what I had in mind would have been the better way. I have learned that if my plan doesn't work out, it means that better things are to come. I know this isn't rocket science and it is truly something we have heard before, but it is something to me that I have not only heard, but now experienced. I have confidence that I can go forward, free from a victim's mentality, and optimistic that things work out, and not only do they work out, but they work out BETTER. 

I loved being a sister missionary, I loved speaking Russian (can't imagine my mission any other way), I loved serving in "Prison", and I continue to love planning things with my little family. I won't stop making plans, cause I am a planner girl, but I won't give up when things don't go my way. I am not the victim and the story of my life does not have to be negative but can be positive and uplifting.