So, a few weeks ago my husband read an article to me about a mom who had gone 400 days without yelling at her kids. I loved the woman's experience and made a goal to do the same. As a mom, I often find myself short tempered and flying off of the handle, so I knew I could benefit from this challenge. Well....I failed!
Today I was at Walmart looking for a few items to finish up a Christmas project. My 18 month old son was buckled in the shopping cart, and my 3 1/2 year old daughter was walking beside us and chatting, kind of off in her own world (that happens a lot when I've let her skip her nap). I kept encouraging her to stay close to me and saying, "I need you to stay by me. If you can't see me and I can't see you then you have gone too far. Please stay close to me." I was VERY calm. I try to let her have SOME freedom. She was doing really well, walking beside us with a sword she found and honestly she was being really cute AND good. Whew! Then there came the time where I was intently searching and comparing items that I needed, and she was GONE! I couldn't find her anywhere, and Walmart's a big place. I walked the aisles saying her name, nothing. I shouted her name. Nothing. I tried to look frantic so people would know I was looking for her and hoping they would secretly help. NOTHING! I know I am not alone in the world of losing a child in the store. It is the scariest thing cause there are some crazies out there and you don't want to be the next headline story. I get it! Then this older woman rolls her eyes at me and says, "I saw her all the way down there!" pointing down the fishermen aisle. Feeling completely judged, and like a failure of a mom, I wanted to respond with something snide in my frustration, but honestly I was so relieved, I couldn't have cared less if this lady was judging me. So I found my daughter and what did I do?? I yelled at her. Nice. Good job mom! I threw her toys down, and I forcefully pulled her to the cart and told her everything she did wrong. I know you are all judging me right now, or maybe you are relating to me, who knows? In any case, I admit my wrong doing. You want to know what my yelling did? Made my daughter pull a tantrum. So we had war right in the middle of the store with countless people glaring. I really felt like Hell was burning a fire in my soul with all the dirty looks we got; seriously laser beams searing us up and down. Wow! I pretended to ignore them, but deep down I was hurt.
I got home and saw a post by a friend basically talking about how we judge each other as moms. Whether we judge because we are jealous of their "perfections" or we criticize because we think they are not doing a good enough job. Both are destructive!
Okay so I yelled at my daughter today. Mommy Fail! I hate it. I feel bad every time it happens. I wish I didn't go to bed completely regretting it. I wish I didn't repeat the words in my mind, "Mommy Fail." And every time I do, I feel awful. So today as I read my friend's post, I had the thought, "Mommy Fail....no, no, no....Mommy Fell!" You could say I tripped up, biffed it, stumbled and crashed today as a mom. But that doesn't mean I failed, I'm done-with, or that I can't brush myself off and do better. When we use words like 'fail' we are programming ourselves to believe that. But when I use the word fell, I'm confident I can get back up. It may be a small fall that gets a little scuff or a hard fall that causes some pain and deeper wounds but in both cases I am capable of getting back up. In some cases I may need a boost, and in ALL cases I'd hope there was a helping hand to lift me. No one needs to be scorned at or looked down upon. No one needs to feel like a failure. Everyone needs a boost! Especially moms!!! So the next time you feel like you failed, remember you just FELL. And get up!!! And hopefully there is someone there offering their hand with a smile of encouragement.
